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His parents said they got the idea when he messed his diaper just a few minutes before trick-or-treating started this evening. “And then, when he said one of his nonsensical baby babbles about who knows what, we realized it was just the absolute perfect outfit,” said his mother. “Isn’t that right, little Ollie?”
“Candy? Ice cweam? Poop?” the little Oliver responded. “Poopy in pants? Trunalimunumaprzure?”
“See?” his mom cooed. “He’s just so perfect for the part! That made more sense than the last seven speeches I’ve heard the president give.”
The Burnswax’s neighbors loved his costume, though some thought it was the actual Joe Biden and slammed the door in his face, thinking he was there to monitor their bank transactions over $600 or jab them with a needle. But once they got the joke and had gotten over their fright, they all had a good-natured laugh over the classic costume.
At publishing time, Burnswax had said his first full sentence, “Wet’s go, Bwandon.”
“I really wanted to show little girls everywhere that if you believe in yourself and kill a lot of people, you can be president of the United States someday,” she said, “…just like I was. I was the rightful president. I WAS THE RIGHTFUL PRESIDENT!” She then screamed and threw an open bottle of wine against the wall and made her servants pick it up.
Hillary will be wearing a realistic president costume and sitting behind a handmade replica of the resolute desk to complete the look.
“This is where I sign my executive orders to bail out banks and drone strike brown people in the Middle East,” she said proudly as she signed imaginary papers on her desk. “You may address me as Madam President. Happy Halloween!”
Sources say that Bill Clinton will also be dressing up for Halloween, as someone who’s not married to Hillary Clinton.
“TRUTH will be the greatest social network, and it won’t even be close folks,” said Trump. “Everyone will have free access to everything I post, and I mean everything. Frankly, I feel sorry for Twitter. Everyone who uses Twitter is a complete loser and everyone knows it! Believe me, everyone knows it.”
Trump’s head programmer is promising an exciting user experience for everyone. “Users of the new social network will be able to say “Let’s Go Brandon” to their friends, “Let’s Go Brandon” to their relatives, and “Let’s go Brandon” to each other,” he said. “In addition, you will be able to read other people’s posts, which will also say “Let’s Go Brandon.”
Sources confirmed TRUTH will soon roll out additional phrases for people to post, such as “I Love Trump!”, “I Love Melania!”, and “RIGGED ELECTION!”
