As everyone knows, the news media knows what’s best for us and they always tell the truth. The only problem is that they use really big and complicated words that we simple folk just don’t understand. How will you ever keep up? Well, don’t worry! We prepared this special translation guide just for you, so the next time you’re watching the news you’ll be able to follow along!
1) “Debunked conspiracy theory” = a completely factual event that is 100% true and we don’t like it
2) “This is dangerous misinformation” = we don’t really agree with it but people are still sharing it
3) “Farm animal bacterial infection treatment” = penicillin
4) “Conservative panelist” = guy who once voted for Ronald Reagan, possibly by mistake
5) “Super-spreader event” = gatherings of people we don’t like
6) “This is the end of democracy” = Trump said a thing
7) “Settled science” = a non-reviewed study by a possibly fictitious organization that just came out this morning
8) “Widespread outrage” = 3 people on Twitter got mad
9) “Racist statements” = literally means nothing
10) “Informal gathering of like-minded people that fosters a sense of camaraderie and community among friends and neighbors” = bread lines
11) “Zero” = anywhere from zero to several trillion
12) “Republicans pounce” = uh oh… a Democrat raped someone
13) “Mostly peaceful” = it was hyper-violent but we agree with it
14) “Racist dog whistle” = a super-secret whistle that only racists can hear and only we heard it
15) “Anonymous sources” = we totally made this up
16) “This is an apple” = this is a banana
NOT SATIRE: The Media Research Center is the ONLY conservative non-profit dedicated to exposing leftwing bias and liars in the media.
Thanks to MRC, 90% of Americans do NOT trust the Fake News media. We can’t let the media determine our elections, pass their agenda, and censor conservatives.
Thanks for that.
My sad sack cracking Face Hurts!!! THANK YOU!