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News from the Shire

The Bus, The Beast and the Dark Lord of Mordor

– Paula Helton  Wednesday, August 17, 2011

“One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume.” —Boromir at the Council of Elrond

As the Obama taxpayer-funded campaign through the Midwest unfolds, we in the Shire are, or should be, focused on the shiny new bus our Dark Lord is traveling on.

"Big, black, hearsemobile of doom." - Dana Loesch

According to Secret Service spokesman, Ed Donovan, there are two buses at a cost of $1.1 million each. They were purchased from the Hemphill Brothers Coach based in Tennessee. The good news is the manufacture of the buses created jobs—in Canada.

Correct, my Hobbit friends, while on a supposed jobs tour, the Dark Lord is traveling on a luxury bus built by Prevost, a Quebec based company. It’s the company’s top of the line VIP model normally used by Rock Bands. Would we expect any less for our own self-proclaimed rock star?

According to Hemphill’s website, “this coach is appointed with the finest materials and the latest in high tech electronics and was built for a top entertainer to travel efficiently without losing the luxuries of home”.

This bus was rolled out while Obama and the EPA were touting new CAFE standards for trucks and buses for we “little people” to reduce our carbon footprint. Make no mistake these new standards are intended to put long haul truckers out of business to further justify “investments” in rail. Obama’s entourage consisted of the bus as well as numerous SUV’s and law enforcement vehicles. There was even an ambulance joining the parade. Where is the outrage of the environuts over the Dark Lord’s carbon footprint?

While gathering information on the new bus, I was reminded of the “Beast”, the Obama Cadillac Limo.

The "Beast"

You remember the “Beast”, the fresh, more modern, more expensive version of the Cadillac DTS that was used by President Bush. It weighs between seven and eight tons and is propelled by a diesel engine. It has military grade armor believed to be eight inches thick and weigh as much as a cabin door on a Boeing 747 according to Motor Authority. The cabin is thought to feature an air recirculation system to protect the Dark Lord from chemical attacks. It’s loaded with the latest communication technology as well as a ten disc CD changer.

Obama's Uruk-Hai EPA Regulators

While the new CAFE standards recently unveiled by the Uruk-Hai of the EPA call for new fuel efficiency standards of 54 miles per gallon, the “Beast” gets an estimated eight miles per gallon.

In other words, while the Dark Lord and his Uruk-Hai mandate we Hobbits travel in plug-in “looney-tune” cars, his highness travels in an eight ton armored tank.

Just as Mordor was the protected realm of Sauron against his enemies, so has the White House become Obama’s fortress whereby his Uruk-Hai, Orcs and Trolls protect him and launch their attacks on we Hobbits. The Orc were known for not fighting fair and using whatever strategy, or no strategy, to win; just as Obama’s rogue agencies, czars, union thugs and Democrat members of Congress are using against us today.

The Media

Among the most powerful captains of Mordor were the Nazgui, the deadly shadow wraiths, that could spread terror in their foes. I equate them with the liberal main stream media and their repeated talking point attacks on the Tea Party Hobbits. While these ridiculous attacks have not had the desired affect of striking terror in the hearts of the patriotic Hobbits, it seems to be working quite well on our GOP members of Congress.

Time and again they have shown themselves to be spineless and easily intimidated. It’s time we Hobbits exert pressure on them and make it clear they either need to stand with us or step down and enable us to elect true defenders of the Shire and its Constitution.

Rather than cowering in fear, we must become more vocal and more energized against them.

The Great Eye of Soros

Just as the fictional Mordor eventually fell, it is up to we Hobbits to end the reign of the new Dark Lord and his minions of Mordor. Only then will the evil die and the “poisonous fume” begin to dissipate.